


Ian in (Just Slightly Off) the Middle

by WishIHadWings



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Other, and smut of course, basically a fic about Ian's life from when Liam was born, lots and lots of fillers, with lots of cute and angsty fillers POVs and moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:46:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3171850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishIHadWings/pseuds/WishIHadWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Ian Gallagher and how it evolved after the sixth Gallagher was born, Liam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fun little fic full of fillers, sibling moments and everything in between. Hope you enjoy :)

Ian Gallagher was the middle child of five kids, a brother and sister to his left, and another brother and sister to his right. It was normal for Ian to be quiet, he wasn't an overly opinionated person.

Fiona was the oldest, the mother of the siblings and worked her ass off since she was fifteen to hold this family together. Philip (or Lip) was the second eldest, loud, opinionated, smart. He was a parents favorite worst nightmare, straight A's, but rebellious, which he clearly got from their father.

 Ian stood in the middle of this, quiet, caring, committed and selfless. He knew what mattered.

The next sibling, Debbie, she was frugal and started saving money at the age of 6. She's the most sensitive of the Gallagher's, opinionated, but has a better wit than Lip and isn't as destructive, well not yet anyway. She's read so many books that Ian couldn't count them all. Debbie was the kid that looked most like Ian, too, with glowing red auburn hair and freckles.

Then there was Carl, the boy who looked more like Fiona with his dark brown hair and eyes like his father's. He wasn't the smartest at school, but he knew what mattered most in life, just like Ian. He has a wide imagination, but used it in probably not the best of ways. Ian swore he was going to help that kid get on track, make him do something more recreational than trying to light cats on fire.

Monica, their mother, who's diagnosed with Bipolar has an on-again, off-again relationship with her medication. Ian doesn't understand it entirely, Fiona tried to explain to him that it meant that when she's sad, she's really sad, and when she's happy, she's too happy and her meds were supposed to control that. Ian wasn't sure he would ever understand, but he definitely didn't excuse it for being the reason she kept leaving and coming back over the next couple of years.

Ian can still remember the first time she really stuck around, it was at least ten months when he was about ten or eleven years old. It seemed like the spotlight was finally on him when she was around. Monica took him out to the park, the zoo, brought him new clothes and told him to be quiet about it, simply because his siblings would be jealous.

Ian wasn't a kid who cared about attention, but he always smiled when affection was tossed his way and Monica would always tell them awesome bedtime stories about stars and princes who were fighting alien's on another planet. He admired the way his mother would smile like there were lights in her eyes, like her children were her whole world. Ian trusted her.

But then she'd leave, and Ian had nothing but a black hole in his chest.

Frank, his father, was always happier when Monica was around. They were happy from what Ian saw, they always stayed up late singing and dancing. Ian used to stay up with them some nights and Frank would dress him up like a rock-star and Monica would draw a lightning bolt with eyeliner on his face, the couple stayed up rocking out to Prince with their son playing the air guitar and admired their special little star.

Fiona didn't worry as much until Monica left and Frank was hitting the bottle, not for fun like he did every other day, but for the sake that he was hurting, he was stuck with five kids and everything in his conscience was oozing in alcohol and smoke. He would go on a bender, leave for weeks, once even a whole year. He was a black hole, similar to the one in Ian's chest, but wider, swallowing everything in site. Lip blamed Monica for this.

"They're too toxic" he'd say "like a house in a hurricane"

And although Frank wasn't much of a father, he stuck around, which his mother never seemed to do. It was after the first heartache from Monica that he stayed. He didn't take much care of the kids or show any sign of empathy, but he was there and as for long as Ian would live, he decided he wasn't going to care about his dad anymore, but stayed thankful that he stuck around, despite his mistakes.


	2. The Sixth Gallagher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Liam came into the Gallagher's world.

It was when Ian was nearly fourteen that some form of Monica had come back for him, he sat at the dining table trying to do his math homework in peace as Fiona scrubbed at dishes. He was tired, stuck listening to the sound of plates rattling in a sink as his eyes drooped. He was regretting leaving this till the last minute now.

The front door crashed open, almost like that moment in a scary movie when lightning strikes and thunder crashes, but the only lightning and thunder here was Frank. Ian pursed his lips and looked back at his homework as his loud voice echoed through the household.

"Fiona!" He called out "I've got a present for you!"

Fiona let out a frustrated groan, shaking the soap suds off her hands, walking out of the room. Ian couldn't help but look over now.

"What the fuck!" Fiona instantly yelled "Who's baby is this?"

_Baby?_

Ian stood up slowly, walking towards his sister. What baby?

"Mine!" his father had a goofy grin, you could still smell the Jim Beam on him from a mile away.

"It can't be yours, he's..he's" she motioned to the newborn silhouette Ian could see in the dim light.

"too dark"

Frank shrugged "Well Monica called me from the hospital and when I got there she was gone"

_Monica?_

Ian could feel his throat tightening; he knew what this meant. This meant Frank had seen his wife some time over the past 3 years and never brought her home, to let her be home with her family, to tuck in Debbie and Carl and kiss them goodnight, to remind Ian to brush his teeth and to have sweet dreams, to kiss and hold her eldest daughter as she cried over stressful life she lived, to smile so proudly at Lip and congratulate him on another amazing report card.

Frank never brought her home, now she was gone.

And Fiona was stuck with a child she didn't even push out.

"When did you last see her?" Ian had to interrupt, approaching closer now, Fiona's big brown eyes met him with sympathy, worry and fear.

"I can't remember" he mumbled, waving it off "somewhere along the nine month mark"

Fiona let out a broken laugh "Nine months ago? Jesus Frank that's when we lost you for a month and found you in a gutter"

"There you go, see" he smiled as kind as Frank Gallagher could get, the kid let out a hurtful cry and Ian instantly tensed.

"Jesus" Frank muttered, passing the kid carefully to Fiona

"w-"

"I gotta head back to work" he lied. They all knew it was a lie.

Ian heard her voice crack then, letting out a cry herself, she sniffed to compose herself as her father walked toward the door.

"Does he even have a name!?"

"Liam" was his simple reply, slamming the door behind him.

Fiona sat down on the sofa, pursing her lips as her hands started to shake, holding the baby so carefully. Ian snuck in closer for an inspection, he definitely had a darker skin tone. Being so new he just looked like every other baby and couldn't see much of his parents in him. He didn't know whether he was sad or happy but one thing was for sure, he was glad this kid was anywhere other than Monica's fragile hands.

"Jesus, you sure he's Frank's?" Ian mumbled as he sat next to Fiona, she shrugged, her voice tight and pitched as she let out a laugh.

"H-He's Monica's though"

And it was as simple as letting out that sentence that made her cry, sobbing, Ian tightened his jaw as he looked with worry. He hadn't seen her cry like this in so long.

The baby--Liam, started crying again, Fiona instantly became startled, cradling the child closer as she sniffed and shook her head, trying to compose herself.

"Fuck" she breathed

Ian never felt so broken in his life, experiencing the only true mother figure he has break like this was painful, and the kid wouldn't stop crying, too. A tired cry, an 'I want my mommy' cry. Ian eyebrows tied together tight as he put his hands out.

"Come on, I'll hold him" He told her. She met with his eyes and moved the baby who was still crying, gently placing him in Ian's big hands.

"Y-You sure?" she asked, Ian nodded.

"Yeah" he smiled sadly, rocking the baby in his arms whilst Fiona wiped her eyes, inhaling and exhaling to compose herself as Liam was eventually nodding off to sleep. Ian smiled down at Liam, he wasn't that bad.

Lip came stomping down the stairs that very moment, tired and confused as to why there was a screaming baby in the house.

"Who's baby is that?" he asked with an annoyed voice, Fiona sniffled.

"Frank's--"

"And why's that our problem?" he wondered as he moved to face his siblings

"He's also Monica's" Ian told him, Lip instantly smiled distastefully.

"You're kidding me right? That kid is black!"

"It doesn't matter" Fiona told him "either way, he is our brother"

Ian stared back and forth between the siblings, Lip was huffing now, he seemed furious.

"Where the fuck is he?" Lip asked softly

"Lip--"

"Where the _fuck_ is Frank?" He spoke harsher

Fiona just stared, speechless. Lip rolled his eyes as he went to put his shoes on.

"Lip!" Fiona stood up, her brother turned back, his piercing blue eyes like flames.

"You can't do anything about this" she shook her head "not _this_ "

The fire instantly went out, he sighed, licking his lips.

Ian looked at the time to see it was nearing to midnight "We'll go get the crib out of the basement" a weary eyed Fiona nodded, going to grab Liam off Ian.

"No" Ian told her as he stood up "don't worry okay? we'll sort this shit out and the dishes, you go to bed"

Fiona paused for a minute, thinking about fighting back but instead nodded.

"I'll see you guys in the morning?"

"yeah" the two boys nodded, Fiona smiled sadly as she dragged her way upstairs, leaving Lip and Ian staring at each other. They were both equally terrified.

 

 

The next morning was hard, Fiona had very close to no sleep, nor did Ian or Lip who sat up talking about their shitty lives. Debbie and Carl where both happy and shocked that there was a random black baby introduced to the family. It was problematic, for sure. Fiona didn't have a clue what to do with a newborn baby, Debbie and Carl were toddlers when Monica left the first time, so it was easier to manage back then. She'd have to visit a clinic today, Ian was surprised how well she was handling this, but figured later on that she'd break.

The newborn was crying for food and everyone at the table was in agony as the eldest siblings tried their hardest to comfort and calm the baby down.

"Can't we just blend our food and give it to him?" Carl whined, blocking his ears.

"Don't be stupid you can't give food to a baby!" Debbie yelled over the crying.

"Alright!" Fiona announced, sitting down as she rested Liam on her shoulder, Lip was pacing the kitchen trying not to lose his shit.

"Ian" Fiona spoke, Ian met his eyes to hers instantly "would you be able to go to work before school and get some formula?"

 _Work_ Ian almost groaned. **_School_** he almost groaned louder, after the long night he had, these were the last things he wanted to think about.

"Yeah" he nodded in response "I'll go now"

"Thank you" she smiled in relief as Ian shrugged his coat on. It wasn't winter anymore but spring wasn't warming up just yet.

 

Ian ran into the Kash'n'Grab, he'd been working here for around three months. Kash was super nice, his wife on the otherhand, was nice, but tough.

"What're you doing here?" Kash's soft voice asked, Ian turned to him with his mouth gaping, the man had a bruise over his eye.

"What happened to you?" he asked

"oh" he waved his hand with a slight laugh "Terry Milkovich wanted a pack of smokes for free"

Ian's eyes shifted, catching his eye to the baby formula, he quickly went over to grab two tins.

"Take this out of my pay, okay?" he breathed as he went to go towards the door.

"Why do you need them?" Kash wondered

"uhhh" Ian shrugged "mom had a baby"

He pushed his way out the door quickly before he could see Kash's response, hearing the bell go off behind him and quickly made a detour home before he went off to school.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @igotamagicpenis


	3. Defying Sexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roger Spikey

A baby was in no way easy. They had Liam for two weeks and you could see now he had Monica's brown eyes, but they were wide and bright just as Frank, Fiona, Lip and Carl's were. He was a good kid, and Fiona did all she could, trying to juggle a baby and working. Fiona would try get night shift jobs so Lip would be home to take care of him and on the days when their neighbor Veronica wasn't working, otherwise she'd take care of him.

Ian and Lip headed into the corridors of Lincoln Grove, Lip instantly leaving Ian's side to join a buddy for class. He let out a long sigh, making his way to his locker. School wasn't bad for Ian, but it wasn't good. It was average, just like his grades, and his position in the family. He was friends with everyone in his class but outside of school he hardly talked to them unless they wanted something. Most of Ian's friends were Lip's girlfriends or the guys he was going to do ROTC with. He didn't mind too much, though. It was much like his life at home, the middle child (or slightly off from the middle now) but he didn't care all too much. He was content with his life, or as content as he could get.

He made his way to homeroom and sat in his seat behind Mandy Milkovich. From what he knew, two of Terry's kids went to school here, Mickey and Mandy. No one really went near either of them and Mandy was someone guys took advantage of, which Ian found really gross. She's only a person, just like everyone else in this room so he wasn't too sure as to why guys treated these girls like rat shit.

Ian smiled at the sight of what he thinks is his crush. Roger Spikey. He's a hispanic dream that had been put down a grade and this was his last week here before he moves to Michigan. Ian found him attractive, he had brown hair, broad shoulders and hazel eyes that almost matched his hair color. Sure, he had acne along his cheeks and jaw bone but that didn't matter to Ian. He was pretty cute, even if Roger isn't gay, Ian can dream.

Sexuality wasn't much of a worry to Ian, he thinks he may be gay, I mean, he kissed a girl when he was younger and it was gross and sticky from the lip-gloss she was wearing and it wasn't his forte. Lip and Ian watched porn together when they were younger and Lip would be panting over the women whilst Ian pretended to. He hid it, just in case. Because what if he is straight and this gay thing was just some sort of phase?

He probably needed someone to defy his sexuality with.

Roger smirked when he caught Ian's eyes, Ian looked down as he felt himself become flustered, Mandy squealed slightly, slapping her friends arm in the seat next to her.

"Did you see that? Roger Spikey totally just checked me out"

Ian couldn't help but hide his smile behind his hand. Because his eyes met with Ian's. Not Mandy's. Oh god, Ian's stomach was fluttering like a butterfly.

 

As the lunch bell rang, Ian had made his way to his locker, grabbing the brown paper bag lunch Fiona had packed for him. He wasn't that hungry, but he was always taught that if he was given food, he should eat it.

Just as he began to close the door a figure was coming directly for Ian, he could feel the way it made his arm hair stand up that it wasn't just some random or his brother. It was Roger Spikey.

"Hey, Ian yeah?" he wondered with a soft smile, leaning his arm against the lockers.

"uh" Ian tried to hide his smile and nodded "yeah"

He heard that typical teenage thought run through his head. _Oh my god, he knows my name!!!_

"I saw you looking at me this morning and--"

"What the _fuck_ are you looking at!?" a gruff voice came from far away, the two looked over at the dirty Mickey Milkovich who was yelling at some senior, taking a stride down the hallway as if he owned it.

Roger moved the arm that leaned against the locker, clearly uncomfortable as Mickey made his way past.

"What?" Mickey wondered, brows raised high as he walked.

Ian shook his head as Roger said a quick "Nothing"

Mickey nodded, continuing to walk, Roger let out a sigh.

"Jesus Christ" he muttered "Anyway" he laughed awkwardly, placing his arm back up on the locker "I saw how you looked at me and uh..." he bit his lip, staring the Gallagher up and down, making Ian's heart race "Just wondering if you want to head into the storage room with me?" he had that stupid smirk again, showing off his perfect white teeth.

"u-uh" Ian was lost for words. He was racing, screaming mentally. What was happening!?

"sure" Ian shrugged, grinning as he closed his locker, throwing the paper bag lunch into the bin.

 

They walked into the storage room, Spikey locked the door behind them, it was pretty dusty and there was only a small window at the top of the wall so the lighting was pretty dim. Ian bit his lip, nervously pulling off his hoodie.

"oh" the older boy smirked "you like fast huh?"

"w-well" Ian cleared his throat, clearly anxious

"calm it, dude. We're good" he smiled, approaching Ian slowly to place his hands softly on Ian's cheeks.

He was pretty much speechless by this point, he didn't know exactly what was happening, but he liked it.

Then Roger leaned in and Ian twitched as his lips anxiously kissed back. Roger inhaled, pulling Ian closer and oh man, Ian was horny within seconds. Kissing slowly and sensually, Roger would touch his tongue lightly every now and again with his and it shot right to his dick every time.

"hm" Spikey hummed, pulling away with a smirk, Ian inhaled and exhaled deeply, watching the hand on his hip drift to his bulge that was probably too hard.

Ian didn't need to defy his sexuality anymore.

Roger fell slowly to his knees, Ian stared down in awe as the boy unzipped his ultra-tight jeans, shoving them down with Ian's underwear.

Ian felt himself burn up at the sight of Roger admiring his pubes.

"you'll get far in life with hair like yours" he told him flirtatiously, taking Ian into his mouth.

_Holy shit._

He bit his lip so hard he thought it was going to bleed, the way his tongue pulsed against his length was aching him, and he was so close already. He let out a muffled groan, watching Roger's head move up and down faster.

"I-I'm close" Ian was embarrassed to admit, Roger instantly pulled away and stood back up, wiping the mix of saliva and pre-cum off his bottom lip.

"You wanna go down on me for a bit then?"

Without a second thought, Ian pressed his lips to the boys again, fumbling to unbutton Roger's flannel quickly. He instantly started shoving Ian's head down and Ian didn't even hesitate, unzipping his pants so quickly he was shaking. He thought about every gay and straight porn he got the chance to see, thinking about how they made their partner cum.

But the second Ian pulled down his pants he was surprised by his own shock.

"Oh yeah, not a rumor" Roger smirked, proud of his length, it wasn't as wide as Ian's but definitely long. Not scarily long like an actual Donkey Dick, but long. Oh god, it was long.

Ian braced himself, huffing before slowly putting his lips on his length. He thought he'd start off with some kisses, it was turning Ian on more, if possible, feeling dick on his lips. He anxiously opened his mouth and was-probably failing at-moving his mouth up and down, pulsing his tongue, moving it over the slit. He couldn't make it all the way down his shaft but he took what he could and devoured the taste. He didn't even know what thoughts were going through his head right now, everything was racing, his heart, his mind, his cock. It was thrilling and he didn't know what it was, but he was ready.

Roger bucked his hips with a moan, making Ian pull away to stare up at him.

"I want to fuck you so hard right now" Spikey admitted, Ian stood up, catching up with himself. He grinned before looking down. He was suddenly not interested, or at least not interested in having a dick like his up his ass right this minute.

"I-I dont" he began before Roger realized, grinning.

"You only top?"

_No, I'm a virgin. But okay._

"Well you're lucking I’m versatile" he smirked, pulling the condom from his pocket with a sachet of lube. As if he was prepared for this to happen.

He threw the two Ian's way and he caught them successfully "Go nuts"

Ian felt awkward but slightly turned on being in control, he flipped him around, Roger bent over, grabbing onto the shelf in front of him as Ian carefully ripped open the condom. He had done this to a banana a thousand times in health class and once with Fiona's at-home sex talk, why was he struggling now?

His hands shook as he stretched the latex over his length, making sure it was on completely.

"You ready or what?" Spikey asked, Ian quickly tore the lube open now, realizing he had him waiting.

He dribbled the lube over his dick and then applied some over Roger's hole, tossing the sachet away as he positioned himself, inhaling sharply as he pressed his way inside the older boy. He had no idea what was going on, he was in some form of euphoria.

Holy fuck, it was tight.

Ian worked in and out slowly, Roger kept moaning "harder" he'd say "faster"

Ian gulped, grabbing onto his hips so he could thrust just as he commanded. Thrusting was hard, his muscles were burning and aching and he couldn't stop panting and the feeling was making him so close already.

"g-grab my dick" he breathed, and Ian did exactly that, pounding into him at the same time as his pumps, making Roger rock himself against Ian and his hand.

"F-Fuck" Ian muttered "close" he warned

"Don’t stop"

So he didn't. He kept going, focusing on his moans, the tightness, the way that fire burned through him, the way he could feel him coming closer, and the closer he got, Roger was seconds ahead.

Roger began to lose his grip, moving so fast against Ian he was letting out an orgasm, Ian only a second behind, feeling that fire burn out faster than he hoped. His chest was heaving as he pulled out. Roger grabbed an old towel in there and wiped the cum that was sure to stain the ground he came onto. He even helped Ian get the condom off without him saying a word.

"It was your first time at ever, wasn't it?" he assumed, pulling up his pants, tucking himself in nicely, Ian followed suit.

"I guess" was all he could force out, he was still pumping with adrenaline.

Roger smirked, pressing a kiss to Ian's cheek. "Well, you weren't bad for a first time. I'll let you know when I'm back in Chicago, Gallagher"

He buttoned his shirt up and walked out, leaving Ian standing there, trying to catch up with himself.

What the _fuck_.

 

After school, Ian was still in some form of meltdown. He had sex with Roger Spikey, he lost his virginity to Donkey Dick, Roger Spikey. He sucked the Donkey Dick girls were having orgasms at the thought of. What, the hell.

"Yo, Ian!" He heard his brothers voice call, he looked back to see him running up, grabbing a hold of his shoulder "didn't see you at lunch today"

"Yeah" Ian smiled.

He didn't really know what to tell him, he wasn't going to tell him he fucked Roger Spikey, not here and not _now_.

"What were you doing?"

"Ah, catching up on homework, stuff like that" He lied with a perfect smile

"You know you can always turn to me if you need help with that shit" Lip offered, Ian smiled fondly

"I'm good" he promised

"Alright, as long as you pass, we gotta get you into the ninth grade"

Ian laughed "no worries" his grades weren't pitiful.

Lip just smiled "did you see what Fiona packed us? With this new baby around she's losing her shit"

Ian furrowed his brows "What was it?"

"Jam and baloney sandwiches. I mean seriously" he shook his head at the memory

Ian pretended to act like something switched in his brain "oh! Right, yeah" he hesitated, admitting "yeah, I didn't eat lunch"

"Didn't eat lunch?" Lip seemed surprised "do you still have it in your bag? You must be hungry"

"Nah I threw it out, wasn't feeling too good"

Lip huffed a laugh, pulling his smokes from his pocket to grab one out and place it between his lips.

Ian was still so stunned. He had sex, with a guy. He lost his virginity and it was one of the greatest things he had ever experienced. How many people get to say they lost their virginity to their high school crush in a storage room? Not many.

Lip patted at his pockets to find his lighter as Ian stared into space in a daze "dude, you got a lighter?" he asked, Ian remained oblivious.

Lip shoved at him, the boy laughing as Ian struggled to not stumble

"Do you have a light or not?"

Ian instantly pulled his out of his pocket, watching his brother snatch it from his fingertips to light the smoke. He exhaled and returned it.

"Thanks"

Ian put it back into his pocket then asked for the smoke, Lip passed it over straight away and Ian had a drag.

"Guess we better get our butts home to see how Liam's doing" Lip reminded Ian who exhaled, passing the smoke back.

"Yeah"

Ian still didn't know how to feel about the new baby, he was in some form of disbelief, and it was all so sudden. He kept wondering if there was a mix up at the hospital or if Frank really just stole the baby and brought it home. Either way, the baby was in their care now and there was nothing else to do but to take care of him. Ian did care about his new brother, no matter who the parents were.

 

That night Fiona headed out to her job as a cleaner at the Motel, Ian sat in bed, only one earphone in his ear blasting The Strokes whilst the other ear was listening out for Liam's cries. He was reading up on geometry in his text book. His mind kept getting distracted, remembering how his dick felt in Roger earlier that day, oh man, he was getting hard at the thought, the tightness, the precision of the movements, the way he groaned and that fire that burned through Ian more intense than ever before. He felt it all rush straight to his dick. Ian lifted his textbook and yeah, there it was.

Lip barged through the door, Ian instantly shoving the book back into his lap, acting as nonchalantly as he could.

"Dinner's ready" he told him, pulling his shirt off.

"Okay" Ian replied, looking down at his book, although he wasn't reading the words.

"Going to Adriana's" Lip informed him, putting on another shirt.

Ian looked up from his book now "Since when do you speak to Adriana?"

"From now" he grinned "needs help on her assignment"

Ian laughed "okay, sure. Just remember a condom, alright?"

"Of course--remember to give Liam his milk" Lip reminded him, grabbing his hoodie before walking out.

Ian let out a deep breath, that definitely killed his boner. He slammed his text book closed and paused his iPod, pulling the earphone out.

He got up and made his way down to Debbie's room, smiling at the sight of her and Carl playing Guess Who on the bedroom floor

"Dinner's ready" he told them, the two got up.

"What're we having?" Carl wondered

"No clue, Lip did it"

"We're going to get food poisoning" the younger boy whined, Ian let out a laugh.

"Probably"

"What about Liam?" Debbie asked, a bit too worried for a 10 year old.

"I'm going to make his bottle now" he told her, Carl looked annoyed

"So Liam gets to have milk but we have to have Lip's food?"

"I don't think he has a choice--" he stopped and stared at the puppy dog eyes the kids were giving him. He hesitated, giving in and let out a sigh "alright, order pizza, I have 20 bucks"

Debbie laughed and Carl smiled triumphantly "awesome"

The two ran past to get the phone and Ian couldn't help but smile, it wasn't often he was in charge, but he liked spoiling his siblings.

Tracing the hall again, he walked into Fiona's room and paced to the crib, looking at the wide-eyed baby moving his arms around.

"Hey Liam, you hungry?" he asked, even though he knew he couldn't respond.

 _Couldn't respond_ , there was an idea

Ian looked around quickly before leaning into the crib to lightly touch his cheek.

"I'm going to let you in on a secret, I had sex" he grinned, it felt good to say it out loud, even if there was no response "with Roger Spikey" he told him softly "I mean, he's leaving so it isn't a big deal or anything but isn't it great?"

Why was he asking a baby questions?

The newborn looked pretty oblivious to every word that slipped from Ian's mouth, staring at him, wondering what the hell was a freckled, crooked smile kid looking at him for.

Ian let his mind drift and wondered about when Liam gets older, how would things be? When would he start walking and talking? Who would be his first kiss? Will he be smart like Lip or be average like Ian? There was so much to wonder when it came to babies, so much potential in all the innocence. Ian smiled, backing away from his crib now to make his bottle. Even if the kid wasn't Frank's or Monica's, he wanted him to stay with the Gallagher's forever.

 

That night once everyone was sound asleep, Lip and Ian were still up. They were in their beds laying in dead silence but Ian knew when he was awake--Lip snores a bit in his sleep and had a kicky issue with his leg. Lip was just staring at the roof with his eyes open, hands under his head. Somehow, Lip knew Ian was awake, too.

"How long do you think Frank's going to keep fucking up our lives?" he asked softly in the dark

Ian rolled onto his back, exhaling "who knows, for as long as Monica's alive"

Lip shook his head "they're not allowed to go anywhere near Liam"

"Well it's not like Monica will be back anytime soon"

The two became quiet again before Lip piped up "I had sex with Adriana today"

Ian laughed softly "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"I'm worried though, she wasn't very happy about it after"

Ian couldn't help but laugh more

"What?" Lip sat up slightly, watching his giggling brother

"Was she unsatisfied?"

"Fuck you" he barked out to laugh with his brother who looked at him from his bed

"Asshole"

"Dickhead" was Lip's automatic reply before lying back down, this time rolling onto his side like that was the end of the conversation.

Ian licked his lips as he went over everything that happened that day, he hesitated, speaking before he could think.

"Hey?"

Lip rolled onto his back now, speaking with a weak tone "yeah?"

Ian stayed quiet "...nothing"

Lip turned back over instantly, drifting off. Ian rolled onto his side, watching the light under his door, he was thinking about jerking off just for the sake of it. Once you've had sex, you seem to gain a far bigger need for an orgasm. It was strange, but it's like once you've had a slice, you want the whole cake.

Ian figured he'd wait till Lip was finally asleep before going to the bathroom for a midnight jerk-off and continued to think about his first encounter with sex over and over again. One thing was for sure, Ian was definitely gay.


	4. Finding Tyson

The heat of Summer was definitely something Ian didn't miss. He would rather be at work with the AC blowing than laying on the couch sweaty having to help Debbie run Gallagher Day Care.

Debbie came downstairs, her red hair tied back in a ponytail with Liam on her hip.

"Why are you just lying there? Child drop off time is in 10 minutes! I'm too young to do this myself you know?" She began whining, Ian instantly groaned.

"I've set up everything Debs"

Debbie shoved the chubby Gallagher on his stomach, Ian instantly grabbing a hold of Liam to meet with his sisters persistent eyes.

"Did you get the fruit ready?"

"I think Fiona did before bed" he told her

Debbie huffed, stomping off to check, Ian grinned, beginning to chuckle at how serious his sister always was towards Day Care.

Ian sat Liam up on his stomach, holding his hands so he stayed in that position. His eyes gazed wide eyed at the world around him.

"What you up to buddy?" Ian wondered, the baby looked down at his hands gripping around Ian's thumbs and gripped tighter, only drooling a little bit. He drooled a lot, one time Lip fed and burped him and by the time he got to school he noticed his whole shoulder was covered. Ian noticed, of course, but he didn't want to spoil the fun.

A knock came at the door, Ian sighed, instantly getting up to put the baby on his hip to go answer the door.

"Hey Ian" Sandra, from a few doors down smiled, Ian smiled back then looked at the three year old by her feet.

"Tyson feeling okay?" He wondered

"Yeah, just a bit tired and shy" she promised, pushing her son inside who instantly latched onto the side of him not occupied by Liam.

"I'll be back at 5!" She called out as she walked away. Ian let out a deep breath, closing the door behind him.

"Alright, come on, let's build something"

 

By lunch time it was chaotic, 4 babies and 6 kids were taking up the house with their loud noises. Luckily, from a day full of activities, they were becoming tired. Nap time is supposed to be simple and it was Ian’s favorite part of the day, he finally had peace and quiet to do the chores Fiona couldn’t make time for.

Ian and Debbie made sure every kid was asleep before finally sitting at the kitchen to share the last glass of orange juice to relax and think of what had to be done next.

“What movie should we put on for them to watch?” Debbie wondered, taking a sip of the juice.

Ian shrugged “Nemo? Every kid loves Nemo”

“Finding Nemo is a bazillion years old” Debbie exaggerated, making Ian laugh, downing the rest of the juice.

“It’s up to you” He replied, getting up to put the glass in the sink and rid the carton into the trash, only to find it filled up to the rim with crap.

“Shit” he muttered “What day is it?” Ian asked his sister who hopped out of her chair now

“Tuesday”

“Alright, I’m going to put the trash out”

“Okay” Debbie nodded “I’m going to go to Kev and V’s and see if they have a DVD we can borrow”

Ian just nodded, pulling the bag out of the bin to tie a knot as Debbie silently walked out. He braced himself for the hot sun as he made his way out the back, wishing it were winter again so he could just jump under his covers, get all snuggled up and sleep. It takes Ian hours to fall asleep during summer, constantly pulling the sheets off and on, tossing and turning, not to mention HEAT RISES, so upstairs is like a furnace compared to downstairs. Summer is the only time Ian likes to stay out of the house and go to work only because that means he can smoke in the cooler whenever Kash and Linda aren’t around.

He quickly put the trash in the bin, screwing his face up at the vile smell the heat caused it to create.

Coming back inside, he almost immediately noticed that the front door was wide open. He hoped that meant Debbie accidentally left the door open.

Ian quickly jumped over the kids sleeping in the lounge to close the door and quickly did a head check.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9……9

NINE

_Shit_

Debbie walked in only a moment later with a DVD in hand, Ian quickly turned to her “I think we lost one”

“What!?” she threw the DVD on the fish tank and quickly counted heads.

“Sophia, Olivia, Mason, Daniel, Emma—Tyson” she paused, realizing who was missing. She turned to her red headed brother “Tyson’s gone”

“Fuck” Ian rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly “should we look around?”

“Do you think we have a choice?” her wide eyes stared up at Ian

“Alright, I’ll go looking” Ian instantly went out the door, running down the steps, Debbie slamming the door behind them.

“I’m coming”

Ian looked over at his sister until a familiar voice greeted them.

“Hey, what’re you doing?” Lip asked, the two looked at the eldest brother.

“Ian lost a baby”

Ian pursed his lips as his brother laughed

“You lost a baby?”

“I wasn’t the one who left the front door open”

Debbie shoved at Ian’s arm “ _You_ should’ve kept an eye on them”

“I told you I was taking out the trash!” he argued back, Lip just kept laughing

“Where do you think he/she could’ve gone?”

“Tyson” Debbie corrected him

“Shit, the Delaney kid?” Lip seemed concerned now

“Yes, can you take care of the rest?”

“Yeah, sure” Lip nodded, the two red heads said a quick thank you as they started walking down the street

“Where to first?” Ian wondered, following his sister now.

 

They searched the whole street up and down, knocked on every door and checked that Tyson didn’t go back to his own home. They even checked gardens, bins, the park and the back streets. He was nowhere to be seen and Ian became more quiet as time went on, he felt so guilty because he should’ve been looking out for the kids and Debbie was an almost 11 year old who was dealing with so much. All she asked was for Ian to help and now he’s lost a kid. He reminded himself that he’s gay and probably won’t have kids so he could feel better about himself but of course, he felt terrible.

Debbie gave up, giving her quiet brother some optimism “Maybe he’s at home”

“Maybe Debs” Ian replied “Maybe”

“Why are you being so quiet? You thinking about some girl, because this is not the right time—“

Ian laughed, ironically “no, debs. I haven’t been near a girl since I was like your age”

“Oh” she shrugged, tightening her hair tie to hold back the hair that was flying everywhere now.

“What about you?” Ian shoved her arm “you’re at the age where you start liking boys aren’t you?”

“Ugh” she rolled her eyes, making Ian chuckle

“Girls then?”

“Ew no! Not my type”

“You never know, when you get older—“

“Stop talking”

So Ian did, holding back a chuckle till Debbie spoke up a minute later.

“Boys are jerks and don’t pay attention to me. I don’t have time for them.”

Ian pouted slightly as they approached their home, he wrapped his arms around his baby sister, lifting her up quickly. She let out a little squeal, kicking in surprise.

“Don’t worry Debs” Ian put her down “You’ll always have us”

Debbie gave her brother a big wide smile before going up the steps to the door, Ian only steps behind as they walked in to a room filled with kids fixated on Finding Nemo. Debbie furrowed her brows in confusion.

“I guess Nemo won” Ian smirked, Debbie quickly slapped her brothers arm.

Lip came trudging downstairs only seconds later holding out a 2 year old that looked like Tyson. Ian and Debbie let out a sigh of relief, only to take a whiff of the most putrid smell they had been in contact all day, it was worse than the garbage.

“Thank fuck you guys are back, look who I just found in a basket in Debbie’s room”

Debbie screwed up her nose, grabbing the toddler off Lip “Yuck, smells like someone’s going to have nappy rash” she whined, carrying him to the kitchen.

Ian and Lip looked at each other and laughed

“Want a smoke?” Lip asked, Ian let out and exhausted sigh

“Definitely”


	5. This is Halloween

Halloween was something the Gallagher's enjoyed, especially Debbie and Carl. They woke up on the last day of October at 7am, immediately jumping all over Fiona in the kitchen and then proceeded to jump on Ian and tickle Lip's feet.

This caused Ian to groan, shoving his face further into his pillow. He should be used to this by now, but every year it just seemed to get worse.

"Ian get up!" Carl pulled at his arm, Ian playfully let it fall limp as Carl pulled at him over and over again.

The brothers started laughing, Ian moving this time to sit up.

"Alright, I get it"

Lip hopped down from the bunk bed to scruff up Debbie's bed head.

"What's the occasion?" Lip questioned, pretending not to have a clue. Debbie shoved him.

"Don't be stupid! It’s Halloweeeeen"

"Ah, I see" he chuckled, pulling on a fresh shirt "you got costumes?"

The two nodded, Fiona walked in with Liam on her hip. She looked so worried and tired.

"I have to go to work so I won't be able to go trick or treating--"

"Don't worry about it sis" Lip smiled, assuring her it’d be okay.

"Yeah, we've got it" Ian assured also, getting up to slide his jeans on

"Awesome" Carl laughed

"Come on Carl, let's go put our costumes on" Debbie began to drag him out of the room before turning to Fiona "what about our make up?"

Fiona shrugged "guess the boys are going to have to do it--" she quickly glanced at her watch.

"Shit!" She murmured, passing Liam to Ian who instantly grabbed onto him

"Breakfast is ready, I've got to go"

“Cleaning toilets again?” Lip asked

“Better than nothing” she smiled, hugging Lip then kissing Ian’s cheek “be good kiddies”

 

Ian sat on the bed with the box of face paints they had collected over the years, most were drying out, running out and a bit watered down, but most were still useful. Debbie and Carl patiently waited in front of him.

"What’re you guys being anyway?" He asked, Debbie wore a dress that had different colored patches from old shirts which clearly Fiona had sewn together. Carl had a Batman costume that was all busted up from that time Monica had found it at Goodwill and gave it to Lip when he was 11 years old. He never would get out of it and Ian was always so annoyed that he never got a turn to wear it. Not that it would’ve fit him at the time anyway (Ian was lanky whilst Lip was a little chubby because he was always fed first—how’s that for favoritism).

"I'm batman" Carl Grinned "Debbie is Joker"

"No, idiot! I'm being Sally from Nightmare before Christmas” Debbie grinned brightly, Ian laughed, pulling Debbie closer and putting paint on the sponge.

“Well you definitely have the hair for it”

“That’s why I’m doing it” she chuckled as her brother did

“Alright, now close your eyes, this might feel a bit cold” he warned, dabbing the baby blue face paint all over Debbie’s freckled cheeks, concentrating on detail. He wasn’t the best at art, but it was something he was better at than his older brother.

Once the kids were all done up and ready, Ian and Lip made sure that Liam got in on the fun too. They had a Jack-O-Lantern costume made from shitty fabric that had been used on every single one of the siblings and so, as a rite of passage, they painted his little face orange and dressed him up, putting the little hat on his head that looked like the stem.

Of course the boys took photos by the staircase for Fiona to enjoy later.

Ian leaned down and fixed Liam’s hat and wiped away a crumb off Carl’s cheek before smiling.

“You guys ready?” he asked

“Yes!” they almost screamed, Ian couldn’t help but laugh as he stood up, holding Liam to his hip as Lip walked into the room with an unlit smoke in his mouth.

“You coming or do you have something better to do?” Ian wondered, kind of hinting that he can’t take three kids trick or treating alone

“Nah, I’ll come. You’ll probably lose them all by the end of the day” he joked, but Ian shoved him.

“Yeah alright asshole, let’s go”

Those two words made the children’s eyes instantly glow.

 

And so, their Halloween journey began. This area was poor, but nobody let that affect the fact that kids loved their candy. A lot of it was old, cheap or packs that were put together as a ‘Great Save!’ which was alright for them, they didn’t know any better. Ian had no idea how it was like to be rolling around in only rich chocolates and soft gummies that weren’t so chewy that you had to sit there for an hour with one piece, but that never stopped him from overindulging though.

They had been down a couple streets now, passing parents with their own children. Ian and Lip felt out of place, realizing that every year Fiona must feel like this, different from the rest, which was an odd feeling to have in this neighborhood.

Carl took a step past the Milkovich gate as they cut through under the L. Ian instantly pulled him back.

“Not that house”

“Why not? Milkovich house of horrors can’t be too bad on Halloween” Lip smirked, pulling another cigarette to his lips, it had been his third one this morning. “It’d be like visiting the House of Terror on S 52nd without having to pay”

“True” Ian laughed till he worriedly sighed “Pretty sure Mandy likes me though. It’s awkward”

“Dude!” Lip laughed before leading the kids past the gate “Mandy likes everyone”

Ian shook his head as he followed through. Really, he was using Mandy as an excuse. He knew what her father was like about gay men and was worried he’d touch the handle and get blown back like a demon trying to enter a church (although that description may not be the best way to put it).

Ian held Liam closer as they went up the steps, screwing up his nose at the sight of the drool Liam had from sucking his fingers now washing away the orange paint.

Lip decided to knock, so confidently he didn’t even jump back at the automatic opening of the door. Ian let out a sigh of relief when it was Mickey at the door with his ripped pajamas and a smoke between his fingers.

“Trick or Treat!” Carl and Debbie sang, Mickey raised his brows.

“Gallagher!” he spoke directly to Lip “What the fuck is this?”

“C’mon, you can’t spare a few bits of candy?” he wondered with a prideful smirk

Mickey looked at the excitement on the younger siblings faces with a distasteful groan before meeting with Ian’s puppy eyes. He was hoping the kids wouldn’t be disappointed.

“Fine, I’ll check what we have. You’re lucky I’m not tricking you”

The door slammed, that was when Ian realized he was holding in a breath within his chest.

In a matter of 10 seconds, Mickey opened the door.

“I got two Pop Tarts, but that’s it” he told them, throwing the treats into Debbie’s trash bag “I broke into a few places and stole their candy last night but my fucking brothers took off with it.”

“That’s fine” Ian piped up, as if he really wanted to speak to the guy who had dirt in his hair.

“Cool. See you” he closed the door almost automatically. The Gallagher’s walked away silently.

“When I grow up I hope I’m like Mickey” Carl said, as if Mickey was the greatest influence in the world.

“Fuck no” Lip told him off “You end up like Mickey and you’ll be spending you’re 13th at Juvie”

“Awesome” Carl just smirked, Debbie was in a mind of her own, skipping ahead humming ‘This is Halloween’ which was oddly enough her favorite movie no matter what time of the year it was. Unfortunately, with years of use and being a stolen rental, the DVD had almost run its course.

Ian and Lip couldn’t help but be silent with worry about Carl though, no matter how many times that movie played over.

 

They took the L to the North in hope that the kids could get more than 3 Snickers and Candy Corn. They felt out of place in the area, no places where trashed with junk that isn’t worth anything. There was no funky smells or graffiti, Ian and Lip were in awe, the kids raced ahead, running up the steps of a strangers homes, knocking before the older brothers made it up to the top of the steps. A lady opened the door, she smiled kindly.

“Trick or Treat!” The kids sung

“Aw, aren’t you gorgeous” she chimed “Damn, I don’t have any candy on me. Hold on”

She seemed promising, the four siblings peeked through her open door at the amazing home she lived in. Ian couldn’t help but admire how wide, white and open the woman’s living room was.

At the tone of her click-clacking shoes, they all stepped back, she pulled the door open and gave Carl and Debbie $50 each like it meant nothing to her. That was the easiest $100 they had ever made.

“Holy fuck” Ian muttered “Thank you so much!”

“Oh it’s no problem, you need it more than I do” She smiled, preparing to close the door.

Ian stood there unable to tell if that was good or not.

“Thank you” Lip nodded, leading all the younger Gallagher’s back to the side walk.

“I don’t think I’ve ever held this much money” Debbie commented on the $50 in her hands. Lip immediately snatched the cash off them, sliding it into his pockets.

“Alright, I got a better idea”

 

Lip and Ian lead the kids to the next door, all knowing about their possible scam. Carl and Debbie stood completely still, staring as if they were oblivious as Ian knocked hard on the door.

A man opened the door with a smile, this time Lip spoke.

“Good afternoon sir, we’re Dylan and Cole from the Blind and Deaf association. We were wondering if you would like to donate a minimum of $1 to the cause? And if not, just a donation of candy would be fine” Lip smiled as Ian now joined in

“Yeah, and this here is Diana, Peter and little Louis who lost their parents at a young age”

“We’re just trying to support these kids and others who—“

“Say no more” the man smiled, pulling out a checkbook, writing in it before ripping it out and passing it to Lip. “There you go”

“Oh thank you” Lip smiled as he opened it, shocked by the offer “That is extremely generous of you”

“No problem, my adopted sister is blind, so I like to give as much as I can” He told them genuinely, Ian was surprised Carl and Debbie hadn’t gone out of character yet.

“Well thank you” Ian smiled “thank you so much”

The man nodded and closed the door. Once they got back to the footpath Carl and Debbie stopped acting blind and deaf.

“How much did we get?” Ian wondered

“Thousand bucks” Lip smirked “easiest thousand we’ve ever made”

“Holy crap” Ian was stunned “isn’t this bad though? Haven’t we exceeded our limit now?”

“No” Lip laughed “We keep going till we get caught”

Ian just huffed, shaking his head as they kept walking.

 

A few houses down they decided to give it another go, making their way to the front door. This time it was Ian’s turn, he knocked with stride.

Once the door open he began “Hi, we’re George and Derek from the Blind and Deaf association and—“

The woman instantly spoke up “Oh my god! Really? My father is the co-founder, this is strange, I’ve never known of door-donations, is this new?”

“Uh…yes! Just a trial though” Ian spoke nervously, hesitating.

He was right, they had exceeded their luck.

“Oh I see!” she smiled down at Debbie and Carl who couldn’t help but stare at the woman. She started to do something with her hands. Sign language.

“Oh, they don’t do that yet” Lip told her, and then she stared at Lip as if it were odd. She began signing to him now. The sweat was burning on their brows in this cold weather. They were done for.

She let out a huff, now brooding, as if this wasn’t at all normal. And it wasn’t.

“What were your names again?” she wondered “Derek and George…right? I better go call David and ask about you”

She closed the door, unlike the past two houses.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” Lip started to panic.

“What do we do now!?” Debbie wondered

Lip instantly grabbed Carl’s hand “run!”

Ian grabbed onto Debbie’s, running with a sleeping Liam as carefully as he could as they took off down the street, they couldn’t help but laugh and holler as if scams were the best thing they were ever taught.

The train road home felt somewhat nice, the siblings were still exhilarated from the danger, Lip was sure Fiona would cut their heads off but he didn’t care, nor did Ian. The kids had their candy and they had enough to pay the overdue bill and groceries for a week.

They decided that this should be the only time they scam on Halloween though, just in case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @igotamagicpenis


	6. Tolerance

You would think that being a Gallagher made you strong, independent and have the tolerance of a cat stuck in a playpen with 6 kids, which was true (about 95% of the time.)

Ian was more than familiar with tolerating bullshit when it came to living in this house, and tolerating with Frank was a skill every Gallagher child had to learn, and Ian was no stranger to it. He watches how Carl and Debbie so easily forgive him and it reminds him of when he was their age and could also have the patience, forgiveness and innocence to put up with their father.

It was officially Liam’s first birthday. Fiona, Lip and Ian were on duty to make sure nothing would go wrong, hoping Frank was on a bender and wouldn’t be home for a few days.

Lip had gone to meet up with Fiona and the rest of the kids to get the supplies, leaving Ian to head home after school by himself, knowing his job was to clean up the house and start setting up for the party.

They Invited Kevin and Veronica, Fiona’s friends from a couple blocks down. It was something simplistic which is all they really needed for Liam, but they made it all about him, and the 8 of them definitely knew how to party.

Ian adored his baby brother, even though he couldn’t speak and probably couldn’t understand him, he still adored him. He didn’t mind slaving over the setup of streamers and balloons that Ian knew Liam would love to play with after.

He honestly couldn’t believe his baby brother was a year old, it seemed only yesterday Frank came crashing through the door with a newborn in his arms that looked nothing like the rest of them.

Ian felt elevated, he had a good day. He handed in his first 1000 word essay with pride and he actually enjoyed talking to his class mates. He didn’t really have friends, everyone kind of just talked to him. But he was okay with that.

He cut through the alleyway as he did every day and froze when he saw his front step had a visitor.

He was so focussed on not letting Frank fuck up this day, he forgot about the one person he couldn’t ever build a tolerance for.

Monica.

He tried so hard to forget how bad Monica’s sudden neglect affected him. That was the thing with Monica, she made you believe she loved you, would never hurt you and would protect you endlessly. With Frank, he never showed love, he just used you until you were old enough to see through his lies and that never hurt Ian, not in the way his mother hurt him and he was fucking furious.

Ian ran across the street not even bothering to look both ways from the hidden hurt and anger rising up his oesophagus.

She had a bloody lip and a black eye and stood up with her arms opened wide to embrace her son as if she didn’t abandon her family.

“Hi baby! I’m so sorry, I was hoping Fiona would be home. I didn’t want you to see me like this” Monica’s soft gentle voice slurred, apologetic. Her eyes couldn’t even look at Ian properly, she couldn’t focus on him, as if there were more than one of him floating around.

Ian stopped and stood by the gate, hands gripping onto the steel so tight his knuckles turned white. He had no clue what to say. The mother he loved and adored sat on his door step acting as if the past three years meant nothing. She disappeared, left him feeling unwanted and uncared for. He trusted her and she left.

She sat back down realizing her son wanted nothing to do with her.

“You look so handsome” Monica smiled at her pride and joy “Wow, are your freckles fading? It makes you look grown up”

Ian just looked at anything but her. He has never had to be in this position before. He was beyond furious, why was she here? Why now?

“How was school? Are you passing?” She asked Ian who could just feel his throat tighten, he was going to explode at any moment.

“C’mon Ian, I’m your mommy—”

“You can’t be here!” Ian yelled, his eyes glazing over

There it was

“W-What are you doing here?” Ian’s voice cracked

“I have nowhere to go” she slurred “My boyfriend, Ray, hit me”

Ian smirked, nodding as he tried to hold back tears

“Is he black?”

“That’s a bit racist, Frank rubbing off on you?” She snickered “He’s white,” she brought her voice to a whisper “and had a very small penis”

She used her hands to show her how ‘small’ this man was in attempt to bring some humour and lightness to the conversation.

Ian rolled his eyes and took a deep breath “I’m not asking that because of your bruised eye, I’m asking because of the black kid you dumped on Frank to leave with us”

Ian walked up the stairs past Monica and unlocked the door.

“Ian!” Monica jumped up as Ian shut the door in her face, leaning against it as the tears he choked back rolled down his cheek.

 _Breathe, Ian, Breathe_ he kept telling himself, trying to ignore the voice of his mother who was outside.

“Ian please, if you want me to leave I’ll leave but at least let me in to clean up my face. I feel ugly!” She whined.

Ian bit his lip and wiped the tears away, turning around to open the door for his helpless mother.

“Do you even know his name?” He asked with aggression

“Who?” Monica replied with confusion

“The baby”

“Of course I remember” she paused, trying to gather her thoughts “It’s Liam, right?”

Ian looked away from her, giving in and opened the door completely to let her in.

“Yay!” she jumped happily, pressing a light kiss on Ian’s cheek before running inside. Ian quickly wiped the kiss off his cheek in case any blood got on him.

Fiona was going to kill him for this, but none of them had to know their mother was here.

Ian walked into the kitchen where Monica was snacking on leftovers from the fridge.

“Hey, I didn’t say you could eat anything!” Ian told her off, shutting the door.

Ian couldn’t believe this woman was once his whole world. This woman who stood there with blood in her unkempt blonde hair and dirt stains on the knees of her jeans. She was beyond lost. Fiona always told Ian about how she loves to show up and act like she’s going to be better before leaving again.

If only she told him this before Monica left Ian in ruins.

“Aw c’mon!”

“You’ve got blood in your hair” he told her simply

She grabbed a lock of her hair to look at and gasped “Shit. Well, can I at least take a shower?”

Ian shook his head “You have to go, Fiona will kill me if she finds out I let you in”

He passed her a dish towel and she didn’t kick up a fight, wetting the towel under the tap of running water and rubbed at the blood drying away on her lip, chin and cheek.

“So, what’s everyone doing?”

Ian decided it was best not to mention it’s been exactly a year since she gave birth.

“Uh, shopping”

“No silly, I meant with themselves”

“Oh” Ian flushed red, a bit embarrassed “same old, same old”

“And you?” She smiled at him as she turned the tap off, drying her face now.

“Not much, going to start ROTC soon”

“Hm, really? You wanna be in the Army?” she asked

“Maybe, yeah. If I like it”

Monica awed and cupped her son’s face and smiled that bright smile that used to comfort Ian as a child.

“I knew you were destined for something special” she spoke proudly, sweeping away Ian’s ginger hair off his forehead so she could adore what she created.

Ian smiled softly, no matter how hard he tried, her words glued to his skull so he’d never forget them.

“Okay…” She spoke softly, letting him go to grab a beer out of the fridge

“I guess I better go. Don’t want Fiona to come in and get upset or anything”

“Yeah” Ian huffed, watching her unscrew the cap to take a gulp as she approached the back door.

“I’ll see you soon” She seemed promising but Ian didn’t want to believe her, his mother walked out after blowing him a kiss and Ian instantly felt heavy. He was sure he hated her.

He was never going to let anyone know of this, not even Lip. It was the first secret he was going to hide…You know, besides being gay.

-

They all waited patiently for Liam’s naptime to be over so they could feast into the ice cream cake they got him. Ian enjoyed these down times where he just sat in the living room with his family, Kev and V and had good light-hearted conversations that made everyone chuckle.

Fiona checked her watch “He might be awake, did you boys wanna go check on him?”

“Yeah” Lip smiled and put his beer down, jumping up and Ian followed, creeping up to Debbie’s room, taking a peek inside to find him wriggling about, clearly bored.

“Looks like someone’s awake” Ian laughed

Lip smiled and walked over to pick him up “Look at you little champion!” he laughed and held him on his hip, tickling his stomach. The cutest giggle erupted from the tiny Gallagher.

“You alright dude?” Lip suddenly wondered, Ian shifted his eyes

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dunno” he shrugged “You seem off, and quiet” he analysed, walking out to take Liam downstairs

“I’m always quiet and off!” Ian exclaimed

“Yeah, okay” Lip replied with a huff, not believing that nothing was wrong with his brother.

 

They sung ‘Happy Birthday’ loudly around the dining table where Fiona held her baby brother. Despite how tired and dark her eyes looked, she smiled with enthusiasm.

“Time to make a wish!” She told him, Liam’s big brown eyes sparkling with excitement

“Got one?”

Liam smiled brightly and watched Fiona blow out the single candle. Everyone cheered and clapped, causing even Liam to clap. Which of course, everyone found adorable.

They ate the cake and Fiona quickly put the leftovers back in the freezer to make sure it could be salvaged before they moved on to presents.

Liam only got about 3 presents, but does a 1 year old really need more than that?

Kev and V got him some clothes, and one of those interactive learning toys that made noise.

Fiona gave him a teddy-bear with an outfit sewn by Debbie and Carl (with the help of Fiona, Lip and Ian of course) and she also got him a couple Disney DVD’s.

Once it was Ian and Lip’s turn they smiled excitedly.

“Did you guys get something?” Fiona wondered

The boys smiled and jumped up to pull the wrapped gift from under the stairs. They slid the heavy large box along the wooden boards and left it in front of Fiona.

“What is it?” Carl wondered, crouching down on the floor next to Fiona’s chair. He tried to shake it but it was too heavy.

“Nothing for you” Ian chuckled

“Jesus what did you boys get” Fiona seemed worried

“Just open it” Lip told her

Fiona smiled slightly “Alright Liam, want to see what Lip and Ian got you?” She asked the boy, ripping away the paper to help Liam unwrap it.

The boys were smiling so wide anxiously awaiting for Fiona’s reaction

Once unwrapped, almost everyone was surprised. Fiona was impressed by the loyalty they had towards the baby Gallagher.

“How could you afford a new crib?” she gaped, shaken by the gift.

“We saved up and split 50/50” Ian explained

“Holy shit” She responded, reading the box

“So you guys can make the time to go get a new crib but can’t give me back my toaster?” Kev interrupted the moment, Veronica quickly back-handed his chest.

“Hey!” He whined

“We have two toasters and they have none. We’ll be fine” She replied with her sassy tone

All the Gallagher’s smiled at Veronica’s understanding.

“So what’s wrong with the crib we already have?” Debbie had to wonder

Lip instantly replied “The wood is rotting from it being in the basement during heavy rain and snow months. That thing also has termite damage, not to mention the fact it has carried all 6 of us and Frank picked it up from the side of the street when Fiona was born, so it’s bound to break at any moment”

“You guys are the greatest” Fiona had to say it out loud before getting up to give them both a hug.

“Don’t worry about it” Ian chimed “You’ve been talking about it for months but you could never afford it so we thought we’d get it for his birthday”

Fiona smiled gratefully before placing Liam down on the floor to play with his new stuff with Debbie and Carl.

 

The party became more fun later in the night when Liam was put to bed and a few more drinks were in all their systems. Ian hadn’t had an alcoholic drink yet (taking sips don’t count) but maybe now would be his opportunity to have his own drink.

Kev and the boys had their beers and slaved over the flat pack crib that needed to be put together, Lip and Kev frequently argued over what bolts went where and Ian found it hilarious, how hard could it be to build a crib?

Ian passed Kev the instructions and hesitantly approached Fiona in the kitchen who was talking to V about something that happened at work.

“Uh, Fiona?” He spoke shyly

“Yeah, what’s up?” She wondered

“Could I have a beer?”

She smiled slightly and shrugged “sure”

“Really?” Ian’s eyes widened and Fiona laughed

“Yeah, you’ll be 15 soon enough. Only one though!”

“Okay, okay” he laughed and grabbed it out of the fridge, instantly remembering Monica which caused him to feel that heaviness on his chest once again.

He shook it off and closed the fridge, putting on his smile to help complete the crib.

 

After the party was over, Carl and Debbie were in bed and Lip and Ian helped Fiona with the dishes.

She was exhausted, Fiona’s eyes were blinking so slowly she deserved some rest. This new job of hers had her working constantly. Which was good money wise but when taking care of 5 kids at the same time, it was difficult.

“Hey, go to bed if you have to” Lip told her, but she obliged

“Nah I’ll be fine, I don’t have work tomorrow” she replied before groaning with annoyance a moment later “I have to take Liam to get his shot”

“Go to bed then, it’s nearly 2am”

Fiona pursed her lips and looked at Lip and Ian

“Here” Ian offered, reaching out for the soaped up sponge

“I love you guys” she sighed, the boys replied with ‘I love you too’ and she finally gave in and decided she needed a rest.

She walked up nearly 3 steps before the back door came flying open with a bang.

There he was, Frank Gallagher. Always Mr. Wrong Place at the Wrong Time.

He staggered in with more than a few bar ‘friends’ (Frank doesn’t have friends) loudly arguing over something ridiculous that couldn’t be understood by sober ears.

“Jesus Frank!” Lip yelled, losing his temperament fast.

“Really!” Fiona chuckled in disbelief “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I live here!” he stumbled, pressing play on his old stereo to blast classic rock. Fiona rushed over to turn the stereo off.

“Yeah, you might live here, but your coked out friends from the bar don’t!”

Ian felt that rage about Monica rise, but this time it was for Frank. He stayed calm, told himself that Fiona can deal with it, continuing to scrub away at the dishes.

Frank laughed at her “you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. I pay the mortgage, I pay the taxes”

“Frank you haven’t paid a dime to me, or this house since 2008 so shut the fuck up!” Fiona argued

Frank just gave her that ‘go fuck yourself’ look before turning the music back on and turning the volume up higher.

“Well boys, look what I brought home!” he cheered, pulling out a small bag of cocaine from his pocket.

Fiona laughed as if she was losing her mind, her eyes glazed over. She stormed back into the kitchen to go upstairs.

“I can’t. I can’t deal with this” She tugged her hair from the stress and went upstairs.

“I’m going to fucking kill him” Lip threw the dish towel and stormed into the lounge room where the men did lines of coke off the dining table.

“Fuck, Lip” Ian groaned in annoyance “Just leave him!” He followed him and wiped the soap suds onto his jeans, watching his big brother pull out the plug to the stereo.

“Dickhead! Do you know what time it is!? Hell, do you even know what fucking year it is!?”

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that” Frank slurred with anger, unable to walk straight as he confronted his eldest son. He towered over him, looking into his eyes intimidatingly in hopes to make him back down but Lip didn’t flinch.

Ian could feel that anger bubbling away in his stomach but he knew there was no use. In a room of angry men, there had to be at least one sane one.

“Get out” Lip muttered, Frank smirked as if it were funny and backed off. He may have been mentally abusive, but he’s never hit one of his kids. Not yet, anyway.

“Make me” Frank challenged, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

Lip snapped, pushing Frank down. Ian instantly grabbed a hold of Lip’s arms to hold him back from further damage.

“Stop!” Ian murmured “He’s not worth it dude”

Lip eased off a bit as Frank just got back up and laughed “fucking pussies” he mumbled, plugging back in the stereo. Ian swore he could hear Fiona’s frustrated screams coming from upstairs.

“He’s fucking unbelievable!” Lip turned around to find Fiona pulling out a chair to sit at the dining table looking like she was on the edge of a break down. Ian followed Lip’s stare and felt his gut drop. He couldn’t stand to see Fiona that way.

Seconds later, Debbie and Carl came marching down half asleep and close to tears from the noise. Fiona quickly reconstructed herself, wiping her eyes and smiling sympathetically to embrace them in a hug.

Lip went over and told Fiona to go sleep at Kev and V’s with Carl and Debbie, promising that he and Ian would handle it.

Ian couldn’t take this, he couldn’t. He stayed silent for 14 years. He kept his patience, he never got involved, but he saw his mother today and realised this just wasn’t okay. Liam doesn’t deserve this treatment, none of these kids do. Fiona shouldn’t be sobbing in the kitchen from exhaustion, Debbie and Carl shouldn’t be waking up to the sound of their father yelling, doing coke and blasting music.

He looked at the drugs, how happy the men all looked in the lounge then turned back to the siblings he adored that sat depressed in the kitchen. He was done.

Frank didn’t even realise the Happy Birthday banners or the freshly built crib by the staircase. Ian knew if this was Monica, she would’ve noticed, but Frank only cares about himself.

Fiona left with the kids and Lip went to turn to Ian but was shocked at what was happening next.

Ian rushed over to the stereo and opened the cd slot, pulling the disc out.

“What the fuck! Did I say that was okay!?” Frank stirred, standing back up, his face instantly washed out noticing that it wasn’t Lip who disrupted his fun, but the kid who reminded him of his own brother. His quiet, yet sometimes dangerous brother.

“Did you know what today was, _Dad?_ ” Ian asked sarcastically, holding the disc up so he knew what was at stake.

Frank chuckled, turning back at his stranger friends who just stared “can you believe this kid?”

“Frank!” Ian shouted and Frank jolted, looking at his son. Lip stood back in amazement.

Ian breathed deeply “Did you know it was your son’s birthday?”

Frank laughed again “It’s not your birthday”

“Not me” Ian spoke with a darker tone he never knew he had “It’s been a year since you walked in this room with a baby. A baby you rarely acknowledge, and left us to take care of him”

Frank shrugged “So? Why should I give a shit? It’s not like a child can remember their first birthday”

“That doesn’t matter, he’s your son!” Ian argued

“Who cares? I’ve raised five of you lazy degenerates and this one is going to be twice as bad and be in jail by the time he’s 25!”

Ian felt his skin get hot, his mind went into overdrive. He had enough, he wasn’t going to listen to his father go on about his one year old innocent brother this way.

Ian gripped that disc and snapped it with no regrets. Frank was instantly infuriated.

“You little shit!” he went to lunge at Ian and Lip quickly jumped in to hold Frank back. He was sure Frank wouldn’t harm Ian, but Ian had no idea what he was getting himself into.

“That was my favourite CD!”

“And the fact you care more about a CD than your own children is disgusting”

Frank looked around the room quickly and smirked, easing off “Fine, I’ll pay attention.”

Frank paced the room, observing his surroundings and made his way over to the new crib Ian and Lip spent weeks saving for.

“What’s this? New crib?” he wondered

Lip felt uneasy, as did Ian, watching Frank circle the crib.

The careless father got into the crib, one dirty foot at a time and sat in it. He found it hilarious, as did his guests, while Ian and Lip tried their hardest to not go crazy at him.

“Very nice” he commented although the boys didn’t want his opinion

“Yeah you look like the big baby you really are” Lip retorted, Ian held back his laughter.

He hopped out “Come on guys, come over here” he spoke to the group of men on the couch that got up and came over. Half of them were at least 220 pounds.

“What do we do?” Ian asked Lip but he just ignored his younger brother, focussed on the men talking about the crib.

“Get in amigos!” Frank declared and two of the men got in. There was no way the crib could handle the weight of two adults.

“Don’t you fucking dare” Lip raged, trying to get the men out but he was elbowed back hard and fell to the floor, huddled up from the sharp pain in his ribs.

Ian could hear the cracking of the wood, the rest of the men began pulling at the joints trying to pull the crib apart.

Frank grabbed the baseball bat that hung by the stairs and started whacking at the legs “This would make great firewood since nobody keeps the hater on after midnight in this place!”

“Stop!” Ian yelled, trying to push the men off as Lip got up and jumped on some dudes back, trying to pull him off.

Then it happened, the bottom of the crib couldn’t take the weight and it fell apart, the two men fell to the ground and laughed as the rest tore away from the joints.

Ian retreated as his eyes glazed over with tears. This was too much, he rested his hands on his knees and tried to pace his breathing. He felt physically ill.

Frank smashed away at the now destroyed crib with the bat, mostly for fun and then tossed it towards Ian.

“Okay boys, let’s take this outside”

Ian quickly grabbed the bat and stood in front of Frank, holding the bat threateningly against his neck.

“Fuck you Frank! Fuck you!” Ian’s angry tears shed and the sound of a babies cry echoed from upstairs. Lip wanted to be there for Ian but quickly took off, knowing that Liam needed that comfort more.

Frank stared at his fiery son and chuckled

“I hate you!” Ian continued to scream, pressing the bat hard against his chest

“Drop the pieces and get out” He told his father, moving the bat into a perfect swinging position.

“Humph” Frank was pleased with himself “Not nice when something you like gets broken does it? _No_ ”

“GET OUT!” Ian shouted, throwing Frank aback from how just how loud Ian’s voice got.

He stumbled on the spot a bit, thinking of what to do.

“You know what? Fine” Frank surrendered “This is getting boring anyway” he dropped the piece of the crib he held like it was nothing and made sure his cocaine was in its bag.

“Let’s go boys, no use being here” Frank told the men as they all left, dropping the cracked and pulled apart crib on the ground.

Maybe it wasn’t the best quality, but it was good for the price and they worked so hard to make the money to get here.

Ian could feel the tears coming, he sat down by the pieces and tried to figure out a way to stick it back together but it was useless. Some of the pieces were in halves and other pieces were too small to even identify where it was from.

He angrily threw a piece of wood and pulled his knees up to his chest and just let out his sobs. He just wanted one thing to go right, he wanted to give Liam a good birthday and both parents had managed to come in and disrupt that.

Ian heard Lip coming down the steps and he tried to relax his breathing and wipe away the tears but he couldn’t. He was uncontrollably sobbing and couldn’t stop.

“Ian?” Lip worried, feeling his chest ache at the sight of his little brother crying around pieces of wood covered in chipped white paint.

Ian noticed Lip and quickly got up, trying to even his breathing “I-I better finish off the dishes for Fiona”

“No Ian” Lip ran over to him and put his arms around him “You don’t have to, its okay man. I mean, it’s actually not, and we won’t let Frank get away with it. But we can’t let it get to us like this” he consoled his brother who fought back tears. Ian realised just how strong Fiona really was, how she could go from crying to fixing all of their problems constantly.

Lip pulled away and looked at him “Let’s go to bed, okay?”

 

Ian couldn’t sleep that night no matter how much his eyes drooped, he also had work that evening which he knew he couldn’t handle. He wanted to speak to Fiona, or anyone really. Lip didn’t need to hear it, Fiona probably didn’t either but Ian needed someone. He needed a parent or another figure to confide in. This was becoming too much.

Ian walked out of the house in his pyjama pants and a hoodie, walking down to Kev and V’s house. It was about 5:30am and he could see a light inside the home.

He walked up the steps and lightly knocked on the door.

Veronica pulled the door open within seconds with a shocked look on her face “Ian?”

“Who is it?” Kev wondered, walking over. He shared the same shocked stare.

“Holy crap, Ian, you look like shit man are you okay?”

“Is Fiona awake?” Ian asked simply

“No, no honey she isn’t do you want me to wake her?” Veronica asked

“No its fine” Ian promised “I just wanted to talk to someone. I can’t sleep”

 

Kevin and Veronica let Ian in without a doubt and listened to him talk about what Frank had done and what Ian had said. Veronica cuddled him in that motherly way he was craving and Kev said a lot of jokes to make him feel better. It was working.

“I remember when I got mad at my first foster dad” Kev began to tell a story “I was 12 and he told me I was too dumb to ever catch up with the other kids in class. It bummed me out—but that’s beside the point. Dude, you can’t let Frank and the disaster he is fuck you up. You’re a good kid and what you did seemed reasonable. It sucks, I’m sorry”

“Yeah” Ian sighed and picked at his finger nails

“Ian if you ever need a place to go, remember you can always come here” Veronica offered

“Thank you V” Ian smiled

“Any time! I can hardly keep up with the mess that goes down in your household, I can’t imagine what it’s like living there” she chuckled, Ian began to laugh too.

 

The sun was rising when Ian finally got back home into his own bed. He felt so cold he wrapped himself up tightly and shivered his way into a deep sleep.

It felt like only moments later when he was woken up by Carl sticking a wet finger in his ear

“Ugh!” Ian grunted and sat up “Was that necessary?”

“Yup” Carl grinned, Ian was secretly amused by the missing teeth in his mouth.

“What time is it?” Ian yawned

“12pm”

Ian groaned louder, well aware he had to be at work in two hours. He stretched and quickly got up, making his way to the bathroom.

He came downstairs to find Fiona plating up some leftover ice cream cake for Ian.

“Good afternoon!” She smiled “here you go sleepy head”

Ian smiled slightly “thanks” and dug into his meal

Fiona went around to her baby brother and wrapped her arms around him, placing a kiss on his forehead before resting her head on his.

“I’m sorry about last night” she apologized softly

“It’s okay” Ian sighed “only regret is the lack of sleep I got”

Fiona chuckled, pouring Ian a glass of lemonade Debbie made

“I completely get you, but congratulations on standing up to Frank. You’re a late bloomer” She laughed, messing up his hair.

“FIONA! IAN!” Veronica walked in and begun calling out. The siblings moved into the living room with caution.

“V? What’s going on?” Fiona wondered

Veronica beamed like a lighthouse and told Kevin to come in.

He walked in with a box and the two Gallagher’s were stunned.

“Ta-da!” She laughed, Kevin’s smiled wide as he kissed her cheek

“Holy shit” Fiona exclaimed “Why did you do this?”

Kev shrugged “Eh, kind of feel bad for the toaster thing, and Frank’s a real prick. I also worked really hard on that crib so I want Liam to get what he deserves”

“Wow thank you guys so much” Fiona pulled them both into a hug. Ian felt a little bit better, his neighbors were incredible.

“Yeah, Thank you so much” Ian hugged both Kev and V

“It’s fine! and we’re going to make sure it’s built by the time you get home”

“You guys are the best” Ian smiled almost too adorable for them to handle

He quickly ran upstairs to take a shower before heading off to work with a heart full of confidence. He wasn’t scared to defend himself to anyone anymore, and while he was going to tolerate most of the things that came his way, he would never, ever, tolerate the way his parents approached his siblings ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry this took so long.
> 
> I suffered writers block for a while after 5x12 finale (no shock) but after something similar to this chapter happened to me in real life, I felt inspired to continue.
> 
> And no, it won't take me another year and a half to update again. I'm getting really excited about this story so uploads should be more often.
> 
> Also, I don't use Tumblr anymore (I got locked out because I can't access the email to change my password) SO please, follow me on twitter instead @igotamagicpenis
> 
> Thank you all who took the time to read and aren't too upset that this took too long. I hope that my writing has improved at least a little bit haha.
> 
> 'Till next time! :) x


	7. Kash'n'Grabbed My...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Kash...you know...but first, he sees a different side of the Milkovich family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Slight/implied statutory r*pe at the end.
> 
> I didn't feel comfortable writing about a 14 year old having sex with someone over the age of 30, but this was a very important part of Ian's life (and the development of his relationship with Mickey.)

It was an ordinary day in Chicago. The sky was cloudy, the wind was icy, traffic was mild and Ian was stuck at work for a few more hours that seemed like years.

Ian had worked at the Kash’n’Grab for a while now and was trusted to look after the shop alone, and today was one of those rare days where no one was really around.

Whenever Kash was out with his kids while Ian was here, he would steal the porn magazines that were taken off the shelves when the next month’s issue came in, and he would clip out the photos that really got him going.

He didn’t feel wrong doing it, but he tried not to feel weird about having a file that was covered in boobs and other various sexy woman things being hidden behind his wardrobe with naked men on the inside. It was like a metaphor in a way. Straight on the outside, gay as fuck on the inside.

The only terrifying thing when it came to being gay was this neighborhood. He had no clue who was gay or straight, he didn’t know how to approach it. How did Roger Spikey do it so easily?

Ian was feeling lonely in that ‘I need sex or love’ kind of way, doing the same thing by himself was becoming boring and tiring. He had that natural Gallagher instinct to crave excitement, he didn’t like boring, despite how boring Ian felt he was.

He stocked shelves, counted inventory and then closed the shop while he had lunch. He grabbed his backpack from under the counter with half a sandwich in his mouth to look for his smokes. Ian started smoking around about the average age for any south side kid (12) and was surprised that he was actually into it. Before that, he had Debbie’s stricter personality towards drugs, drinking and smoking. He swore he would never put a cigarette in his mouth. That was until he caught Lip smoking and instead of the brothers getting into an argument, Lip offered a drag and Ian said ‘sure’.

Ian grabbed the smokes out of his backpack before zipping it up. He finished his sandwich, had his smoke break and then went to quickly restock the water bottles.

He walked into the cooler and rolled his eyes to find no boxes of water left in there. Ian rushed into the storage room at the back of the store and sighed at the sight of how messy the room was, but he quickly begun moving around the boxes in hopes to find the bottles.

He noticed the bottles up against the wall behind some boxes that were filled with the Kash’n’Grab’s business documents from years ago. He moved the boxes filled with Kash and Linda’s stuff onto the unstable stack of boxes that sat by his shoulder. He saw he could reach and leaned down to grab the box of bottles. Not really thinking as he turned around, he knocked over the box of files.

A loud gasp erupted from his chest from shock.

“Shit!” he muttered, putting the water bottles down and getting onto his knees to pack the box away

Then it hit the corner of his eye, he noticed a familiar face on a magazine underneath scattered files and papers.

He pulled the magazine out and felt his heart stop as he saw the letters ‘UNZIPPED’ with a shirtless man on the cover.

Ian knew this cover; it was one of the first magazines he cut photos out of. He could just feel his heart beginning to race. Hesitantly, he flipped through the pages and became both overwhelmed and scared.

This was the copy Ian had cut pictures out of.

He suddenly felt ill, cold sweats trembling his body. He always threw the magazines in the bin after cutting out the pictures. Did Kash take it out? Was it Linda?

It couldn’t have been Linda. She would have said something.

Ian looked into the box and found more magazines filled with gay porn. The exact ones he had ripped apart, with pages missing half the photos.

He didn’t like this, it felt creepy although Ian was sure they didn’t know he was the one who went through them, he couldn’t understand why they kept them.

But on the other hand, he was freaking out that if they did know Ian was responsible for this, they knew he was gay. He wasn’t sure he was ready for someone to know his secret, let alone his employers.

A loud knocking came from the front of the store and Ian snapped out of his panic, rushing to put the files and his ripped up magazines back into the box. He placed the box where the bottles once were and picked up the box of bottles, running out.

The knocking was intensifying and Ian began to feel the pressure making his muscles tense.

“Hold on!” he yelled, putting the box down by the cooler room before running to the open the front door.

“Can’t you read the sign—” Ian stopped in his tracks as he opened the door to find Mickey Milkovich standing there with his sister Mandy.

Or who Ian at least thought looked like Mandy. She was looking down at the floor with the hood of her jacket covering half her face.

“Can we borrow your first aid kit?” Mickey asked, Ian recognized the slight panic in his voice

“U-Uh yeah I’ll go get it” Ian nodded, letting them in

He had no idea what had happened, but he could tell it was urgent. If Linda were here she would’ve turned the Milkovich’s away, but Ian knew just by how Mickey spoke that this wasn’t normal.

 

Ian grabbed the first aid kit from under the counter and passed it to Mickey who helped himself to a milk crate by an aisle.

“Sit” he told his younger sister bluntly

“Mick it’s fine” she spoke with insecurity and embarrassment, taking a seat on the crate

“Shut the fuck up” he snapped at her, peeling back her hoodie to reveal and large cut by her hairline

Ian was shocked, what could have possibly have happened?

“Jesus Mandy are you alright?” Ian had to ask

“I’m fine” Mandy smiled sadly as Mickey went through the kit to find what he wanted

“What happened?” Ian asked and Mickey instantly stepped in

“This is none of your business, Gallagher. Don’t you have to be working or some shit?”

“I-I’m on my break” Ian spoke, trying not to be intimidated by the upset Milkovich

“Well eat your lunch somewhere else”

Ian didn’t have any lunch to eat, but he didn’t want an argument. He walked away, deciding to pack away the water bottles.

As he packed them away, he eavesdropped on the siblings’ conversation curiously.

“I told you we shouldn’t have come here” Mandy spoke quietly “now he’s going to tell people”

“Ian won’t do shit, he’s the quiet one” Mickey assured his sister, cleaning the wound with a sterilized wipe.

Mandy hissed at the stinging sensation “What if he tells Lip?”

“Then I’ll bash his head in. Fuck, I’ll bash both of their heads in”

Ian smirked, this was a different side to Mickey. Mickey was known for being this tough bully that was rumored to sell drugs through his brothers to school kids, not as a brother who would do anything to protect his sister.

Lip wasn’t fond of Mickey. He had gotten into a few fights with him when they were younger but after Mickey needed Lip’s help to pass a test, they decided to call it a truce and be civil with each other.

Ian still remembers when he was younger and played Little League, Mickey was on the team. He was a passionate—albeit aggressive—player. He remembers the one game Frank attended, Mickey’s dad Terry was there too.

Back then, Mickey was just as tough and with Ian being the quiet kid in the background, he never tried to make friends with him, but the other kids idolized Mickey. After a win Mickey showed off by peeing on first base, the commissioner ended up kicking him off the team.

His dad was rather proud of his boy rebelling, and got into a fight with the commissioner over it. Ian remembers the swearing vividly, as well as Frank laughing and congratulating Mickey for making the game entertaining. That was also one of the first times Ian felt discouraged, Frank didn’t say anything good about Ian that night, but he doesn’t blame Mickey for that.

“I’m going to fucking kill him” Mickey muttered, clearly talking about the perpetrator

“You’re lucky the cut isn’t all the way to your skull” he continued “I’m going to go down there and pistol whip him myself. See how he likes it”

“No you won’t” She scoffed “It can’t be that bad” she shrugged it off

“Well you won’t need stitches” Mickey sighed, applying some antiseptic cream on the cut.

Ian watched through the cracks of the shelves at the siblings, the Milkovich’s were still such a mystery to him.

Mickey trembled slightly, shaking his head at his sister’s pain.

“When Iggy hears about this—”

“He isn’t” Mandy snapped “no one was even meant to know, I just happened to bump into you afterwards”

“Really?” Mickey raised his brows “how could you possibly hide this, smartass?”

Mandy looked down at her lap “I was going to leave for a bit”

“Don’t be stupid”

“No one would notice, dad—” she suddenly choked on her words, or mumbled something Ian couldn’t hear

Mickey sighed, putting a bandage on her wound now “I’d notice”

“Thanks” Mandy shyly responded before getting up, Ian thought it was safe for him to walk back over now.

He approached the counter and found Mickey packing up the kit, he quickly met the blue-eyed stare and felt a strange flutter in his stomach as the dirty dark haired boy tossed the kit back

“Come on” Mickey muttered to his sister “let’s go”

Mickey walked out without a thank you or goodbye, expecting Mandy to follow.

“See you at school, Ian” she smiled at the Gallagher before walking out. Ian gave her a quick goodbye before placing the kit back in its spot.

Usually after something like this, he’d want to tell Lip but something inside him told him to keep it to himself. Ian’s secrets were slowly stacking higher and higher.

 

He woke up the next day dreading to go to work, he didn’t want to see Kash or Linda. He felt completely on edge and remembering the incident made that nauseating feeling rise up in his throat again.

The sound of the family bustling around downstairs made Ian not want to get up even more. He just wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. He honestly just wanted to hide.

Liam came running down the hallway in that cute wobbly way toddlers did. He stepped up into Ian’s room and Ian couldn’t help but smile. Liam was the one person he felt he could handle being around today.

“Hey buddy” Ian greeted his baby brother, who lit up and responded with baby talk

Liam slowly stood up and balanced himself, walking to Ian’s bedside. Ian picked him up and placed him upon his chest.

“What are you doing up here by yourself? Did you crawl up here?”

He smiled, smacking at Ian’s chest. Ian couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, let’s go see what everyone is up to” he proposed, making that lunge out of bed and went downstairs holding Liam on his hip.

He stepped over Frank who was passed out at the bottom of the stairs and passed Liam to Debbie who held her hands out for the baby.

“Good morning” Ian greeted his sister, passing Liam to her.

“Hey” she smiled

Ian took a quick glance around the room as he went to serve himself some eggs

“Where’s Fiona?” he wondered, Debbie shrugged

“Dunno, we think she’s looking into other jobs” She said, placing Liam in his high chair with his sippy cup of orange juice.

Ian nodded, sitting next to Liam with his breakfast. He could see Lip and Carl watching weekend television with a bored look on their faces. Ian would rather be joining them than going to work right now.

“You have work today right?” Debbie asked, sitting at the table in front of Ian.

“Yeah” Ian nodded with a slight smile, the little red head with bright brown eyes seemed to be bossing the household around while Fiona was gone.

“Okay well we need more toilet paper…and eggs!”

“eggs, got it” Ian mumbled with food in his mouth.

 

Ian got off the L and approached the Kash’n’Grab right on time. He still felt the dread within every nerve of his body but opened the door with confidence, his heart flew up to his throat when his eyes met with Kash, who always looked so sad and tired, but he smiled and Ian felt inclined to smile back.

“Hey Ian, Linda wants you to dust down the shelves today” he ordered him right away

“Yeah, sure” Ian responded with a shaky voice as he shoved his backpack under the counter.

A customer came in and Ian smiled at them before heading into the storage room to grab the cleaning supplies. His eyes couldn’t help but divert to the spot his magazines hid.

He bit his bottom lip hard. He really wanted to check they were still there but he knew if he did that it would make this situation feel so much more _real_.  

He grabbed the supplies and went to walk through the door but stopped himself, running to where the box was. He just couldn’t help himself.

Dropping the supplies, he kept a lookout as he quickly moved boxes till he got to the box. He opened the box and scurried through the files. Panic suddenly rose again; he couldn’t find them. Where the fuck could’ve they gone? Ian couldn’t believe this. He glanced each corner the room and noticed there were no cameras, so they couldn’t know he found it.

What the fuck was happening?

Slightly shaken, he picked up the cleaning supplies and decided it was best to head back out.

Just as he went to grab the door handle, there in the corner of his eye he saw them. The magazines he began to despise sat in a bin, Ian could just feel a mocking laughter in the back of his head. Kash must be responsible for this, Linda never came in before noon.

Ian furrowed his brows and got down on the ground to retrieve them out of the bin, quickly flipping through them to make sure they were _the_ magazines.

_Hold on,_ Ian thought, _is Kash into dudes?_

Then the door swung open and Ian felt his heart drop

“Ian—” Kash froze at the sight of the freckled young boy looking at the magazines he made sure to throw out.

“I-I can explain” Ian spoke with panic, standing up.

Ian noticed a paleness in Kash’s complexion and he quickly ran out. Ian heard him locking the front door and felt his throat tighten again, his heart beating harder with panic.

_Fuck_

_FUCK_

Kash came running back in and locked the door behind him.

“Ian, please don’t tell Linda about those” he pleaded “I was so worried she found them so I thought I should throw them out”

“What the fuck” was Ian’s immediate reaction “ _YOU_ kept these? After I cut the pic—” he stopped himself as his eyes grew wide.

_Oh shit._

Kash licked his lips, looking completely bewildered by what was happening

“y-you’re the one who steals them to cut pictures out?”

“Yeah! But then I throw them out!” Ian raised his voice from fear “Do you grab them out of the trash afterwards?”

“I’ve been grabbing them out of the bins for years! Even before you started pulling them apart” He confessed, Ian noticed his eyes glaze and felt suddenly uncomfortable.

“So…you’re gay?” was all Ian could say

Kash looked down, ashamed of his life “Please” his voice cracked “Don’t tell Linda, I don’t know what I’d do—The shop—The kids—” He let his tears fall

“Hey, hey, it’s okay” Ian consoled and dropped the magazines, going over to wrap his arms around the dysfunctional man. Kash gripped into Ian’s back and nuzzled his head into his neck.

Ian still felt a bit uncomfortable, but being this close to Kash made adrenaline pump through his veins. Finally, there was excitement. Something so wrong it felt right.

Conflicted by his feelings, Ian pulled away and took a deep breath. Sure, he wanted excitement, but he never imagined that a 30-something would give that to him. The thought honestly made him feel ill but Kash’s dark eyes met Ian’s again and before he knew it, Kash dove in for a kiss.

Ian gasped in shock, but pulled him closer. Maybe he was just horny?

Or, maybe he was just a Gallagher.

Ian sunk more into the kiss and Kash quickly kissed to his neck, sliding his hand from the young boys back to Ian’s crotch. His heart skipped a beat as he felt Kash’s cold hand slide into his pants and get a grip on him.

Gulping down hard on his pride, Ian undressed Kash.

He didn’t think about consequences, he didn’t follow the nauseous gut feeling saying this was wrong and he didn’t think about the fact this man was _married_ with _children_ but none of that seemed to matter.

Ian was satisfying his craving, throwing away his morals and kept that guilty feeling buried deep within his soul.

He wasn’t willing to admit it, but his possible mommy and daddy issues were starting to take toll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! More chapters coming soon.
> 
> Twitter: @igotamagicpenis

**Author's Note:**

> http://ivegotamagicpenis.tumblr.com/


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